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Wanderer

Wanderer

“So I wander, wander where my home is, where I come from    
 how the makers sowed it.    
Like Constellations, how we all connected
In a heart- all rows intersecting   
True blue ocean the meaning feels heavy
but I let go, I  let go, stay ready
 stays connected.  
By the roots of my toes I am steady…  
I don’t take from the road I’ve got plenty
My home where I wander, my home is where I wander body soul.” TH    
 

It has been a week since my vacation, I lie in bed on Thursday afternoon it’s 8 am. My mind says to get up and start the day, while my body says no, “I feel like I have been hit by a bus” while all the traveling caught up to me. 

Recalling the plane ride home, it was a flight from Guate to ATL. This flight was super packed as we were flying out mid afternoon. The airline was not on top of communication as much as should they should have been. Trying my absolute best to remain present, I was patient as others scrabbled ahead to get checked in and rushed to their seats. As they asked, “oh my gosh, what is going on?” Are we going to be able to sit together?   

I finally boarded the plane as I went through the technology services checkpoint? (this was new to me?) I sat beside a young couple from ATL. I was beyond grateful for their energy. As I got situated by the window, we become acquainted and asked the young gentleman. 

 Me: “what were you guys doing in Guatemala?”
Young man: “we were on a mission trip” 
Me: “Oh neat, where in Guatemala?” 
Young man: “Pan-naaa” 
Me: “Oh you mean Pana? Panajchel? Cool. How long was your mission trip? 

He proceeded to tell me that they were there for a week and where headed back to school before thanksgiving. I did not happen to catch their names but remember his girlfriend was a graduate student studying public health and her boyfriend was finishing his junior year of his undergraduate studies. They talked about hopefully one day returning back to Guatemala. I was impressed by their efforts to do good in the world and wanting to do it together. I was jealous of their expressing their affections of each other, as I thought I used to be young and in love once. 
    I slowly turn to my seat, and select a movie to watch as we prepare for take off.  
We land, and again I take my time as everyone rushes off the plane to catch their connections. I said good-bye to the couple and wish them good-luck with their studies and tell them how nice it was to meet them. 

  I make through customs, and we wait in line to catch the train to make it to our next gates. As I stand in line, I hear a father and son converse in Spanish. I listen a bit to see if I can understand what they are saying to practice my Spanish. Sure enough, I can and it makes me happy. Also, sad and wanting to make sure that I continue to practice my Spanish. I wait for my next flight home to Charlotte, NC. Although, I am eager and excited I still take my time because I know that I will be home soon. As soon as it hits 10:30pm, they start boarding the plane. This flight.  

Being home was a wonderful feeling. Even though the time was incredibly short, you learn to appreciate for the time that you were there. Indeed an emotional time. The greatest, was the reunion with my younger sister. Seeing her happy and knowing that she is happy and fulfilling her duty Receiving the chance to hug and hold family is unreal but you know it will be a long time before you hug them again. The feeling is so bittersweet because you remember how each friend has entered into your life and you hope that they never leave and that you can continue to keep the rapport that you have with them.  

You try and tell yourself all of the lessons you still have to learn, but you are human and must be patient with yourself because you are facing parts of yourself that you have been at war with. The plane ride back went by super quick. The lady sitting beside me could see the look of terror on my face, as we boarded the flight, she looked at me and said “the work you are doing is really appreciated, keep up the good work.”

The time slips through your hands. And within two hours I was back in Guatemala and knowing that I had to confront what was waiting for me…. My commitment to serve the Guatemalan people. But with that service comes a price.  
 

 This time you know a little more than you did before. But there was just such a sense of withdrawal because you know how you are, and you know how they are. So how could you approach the situation a little differently this time? 
    

How can you serve them while honoring yourself but also your commitments to service. 
    This time it was difficult because there were still all of these emotions. And being truthful
    Feelings are information. "Instead of ignoring your heart, you should love it, hold it, and cherish it. Stop listening to the voice of others... you were created to know what's best for you. No one knows the inner workings of your soul and your heart better than you. Trust that, know that. And most importantly honor that."  That in itself is the best thing you can do for any service, to honor yourself, then others. 

 

Growth

Growth

Day 354

Day 354