The Sweetest Goodbye's
“not all goodbyes are harsh and hard. Some good-byes can be meaningful and beautiful. Some can be life changing, they can make you or break you. They give you the courage to heal, to move on, to forgive, to love yourself fiercely. The truth is, you learn a little more about yourself everytime someone says goodbye.”
Have you ever heard the saying, “You will be too much for some. These are not your people.” This resonates with many all too often. Anytime you are faced with change or go to a new place with unfamiliar territory. You know those same people that make you feel alive,“the light bringers, the magic makers, the world shifters, the game shakers. They challenge you, break you open, uplift and expand you. They don’t let you play small with your life. These heartbeats are your people. These people are your tribe!”
But what happens when you have to leave your tribe or your tribe leaves you?
It is extremely painful experience that is almost as if the universe has been shifted from underneath you. So what do you do how to navigate through the pain?
1. You can’t rush your healing
As humans it is not uncommon for us to push pain away because we dislike when life gets messy and things don’t feel good. We attempt to distract ourselves from the emotions that can help us grow. Recognize your pain, sit with it and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Pain is apart of life, even at the present moment if you are unsure why you lost love, a friend, or your almost relationship. The pain is present to teach you a lesson, whether it be about yourself your other people something beautiful can come from it.
2. Recognize the stages of grief
The stages of grief are 1. Shock/Isolation 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression/sadness 5. Acceptance. Remember each individuals experience is unique, their own, and may not experience the stages in this exact order.
1.Denial/Isolation- When we first learn of the news it is not uncommon to experience to experience shock and tell ourselves that it, whatever it is, is not happening.
2.Anger- If we are not ready, we can deflect this intense emotion it can be redirected and expressed as anger. At times it can be directed at random objects are directly at the person who is leaving us. We can know the person is not to blame but can experience resentment for the person because the person is leaving us.
3.Bargaining- This one is a little tricky, but understood as going back in time, and thinking you as an individual had some sort of influence on the outcome. Oh, “If only I would have done x,y,z sooner.” Or “Only if I would have had a different attitude or response to this individual before hand.”
4.Depression- According to Psychologists, there are two types of depression that may occur. The first one one is related to reactions or the practical and the impractical areas associated with your loss. Perhaps, we worry we may have missed the absence of other people who may have needed us. The second type of depression is more of a private one, it’s the little step right before acceptance where we internally part with our loss.
5.Acceptance- Whatever your painful experience may be, it is a intensely personal one. Again, the best thing you can do is not to resist what you are feeling but allow yourself to feel what you feel. For some reaching this stage, can be a gift. Again, It is important to note that each individual may experience this on different wave lengths which may not necessarily occur in order any of the stages at all.
3. Realize the the power of connection
If you are fortunate to reach the acceptance phase you know that things will never be the same from here on out. Tony Robbin’s writes, “Understanding how to find meaning out of your pain is way to take a broken heart and turn it into something that will help you grow and expand your ability to love.” You have to go through the motions but eventually there is peace and you can begin to ask ourselves what do we value more than our pain? Once we can answer this, then we have the power to channel our pain into something positive, possibly something bigger than you. Then you can begin to connect with yourself and grow.
4. Utilization There is something more powerful inside of you because of your pain. The key is to channel your pain into a meaningful transformation. You can change what is happened or what is gone but you have the power to control the outcome. What did you learn from your pain and how are you make changes for your future? What does your new goal and future look like?
5. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.
There is no doubt profound good-byes happen for a reason, it’s funny how some people, walk into your life and change you forever. And you are just left there standing piecing together what happened. Every time, you look out in abyss, you feel different, richer, metamorphosed because of the pain you experienced. And you found it within yourself to explore the depths of your pain.
“and no matter how bad it hurts, some people leave to make you stronger, while other times they leave to make you fall in love with yourself.” RMD